A Friend Who Cares

hat does it mean to care? The word care finds its roots in the Gothic “Kara,” which means lament. The basic meaning of care is to grieve, to experience sorrow, to cry out with. I am very much struck by this background of the word care because we tend to look at caring as an attitude of the strong toward the weak, of the powerful toward the powerless, of the haves toward the have-nots. And, in fact, we feel quite uncomfortable with an invitation to enter into someone's pain before doing something about it.

Still, when we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

Henri Nouwen in “Out of Solitude”

(Editor's Note): Henri Nouwen was one of the twentieth century's most thoughtful spiritual writers. His guidance speaks to us as powerfully today as it did when he was alive.