Here is what I need you to know about me:
Sometimes people wonder if I really understand what it means to grieve. After all, I am only a child. But if I have a heart big enough to love, then it is also big enough to grieve when the person I love has died.

My understanding of the concept of death will vary, depending on my age and developmental level. Please educate yourself on this so that you can know the best way to talk to me about death.

Sometimes I may act like the death didn't really happen, like everything is the same. This may be my way of coping with my very deep and painful feelings. It doesn't mean I am not grieving inside.

Sometimes I may feel very, very sad. I may cry a lot. And sometimes I may hide my sad feelings because I don't want to burden my parents or siblings. They have their own hurt to deal with.

I may feel very guilty, as though the death was somehow my fault. I may wonder if there was something I should have done, or not done.

I worry a lot. I worry if my other siblings are going to be okay. Will my parents be okay? Will they get sick and die too? Will I be okay? I may keep these worries to myself.

Sometimes I feel very angry. I am mad at just about everyone and everything – my parents, my siblings, myself, even my loved one who died. I may even get mad at God.

Sometimes I can only handle my grief in small doses. I may be sad or angry one minute, and playing happily the next. Please understand that this is normal for me. Otherwise I would be overwhelmed by the intensity of my feelings.

I may express my grief through my behavior or my body. You might notice changes in my normal behaviors. I may act out and get in trouble at school or home I may have trouble sleeping, and I may experience more physical ailments like tummy-aches and headaches.

Here is how you can help me through my grief:
Tell me the truth. Explain death to me in simple words that I can understand. Don't tell me my loved one “went away” or “is sleeping”. Tell me that their “body stopped working”. Answer my questions clearly and honestly.

Talk to me about my loved one who died. Share memories and special stories with me. Give me an opportunity to talk about my memories too. Help me make a scrapbook or memory box to store pictures and special items that remind me of my loved one. Encourage me to draw, keep a journal, or write a letter to my loved one.

Let me know it is okay to cry or feel angry. Share your tears and other emotions with me as well. This helps me to know it is okay for me to express my own feelings.

Let me attend the funeral if that is what I choose to do. Prepare me by letting me know exactly what to expect. I need to feel important and involved, so if you can, involve me in decisions about the funeral and even the funeral itself. It may help me if I can make a special gift or picture to give to the deceased.

Keep my daily routine as consistent as possible. Keep changes in my life to a minimum while I am grieving. I need continuity right now. It helps me feel secure and safe.